Please seduce me Mr. Starmer. (Why Keir Starmer should tell more lies and have more fun.)
As the title of my blog states, I am an annoying centrist. As everyone knows, annoying centrists are exactly the type of people who love a bit of Keir. He’s so deliciously palatable. Not like that overly idealistic man in a Russian hat who was always going to make the Labour Party’s job harder to do. However, in a vindication to the left-of-left - who keep reminding me of just how bad of a leader “Keith” is, I am getting a bit bored of the man.
Keir’s interview on Marr was the dull tip(-toe)ing point which left me flaccid. Particularly Keir’s stance on the Brexit deal we have slumped into as a country. Would he push for a reintroduction of freedom of movement? No. It was not in the treaty. The treaty is what the treaty is. There’s nothing that can be done about it. All hail the treaty.
How terribly dull and pathetic. If you are going to be the leader of the country, act like you can lead it. Leading it is not being trapped by it. It is breaking out of the traps.
This, in a nutshell, is Keir Starmer’s problem. He is trapped. He is trapped by the skullduggery the red-wall supposedly contains and the pious nature of the left. But his problem is not that he is trapped. It is that he doesn’t realise he doesn’t have to be.
Maybe Keir is right. Maybe there is no hope of the treaty reopening. And maybe he’s right in thinking he cannot overtly say that he wants to reintroduce free movement because vast quantities of skullduggery induced vomit will roll down the M6 towards London causing long sticky traffic jams. But there are millions of people who now find themselves stuck in the UK, unable to live, work and explore the interesting land of Europe that exists on their doorstep. That is dreadful. It is shit. So lie to me. Seduce me. Give me that little bit of hope that you’ll wiggle your way into a solution that works for everyone. Tell me you’ll figure it out even if you don’t know how you will figure it out.
As a leader in waiting you are allowed to do this. Keir is not a bad man and will likely do net good to the country if he gets the chance to run it. Given this, he should say what he needs to say to make it happen. This means not being bound by the dullness of certainty.
The far-right’s illness is its unwavering ability to misinterpret facts, providing a monotonous drive for a backward agenda which doesn’t fit with the reality of the world. The power this clump of people has forces moderate right-leaning politicians to adopt its insanity - the supposed dichotomy between keeping the virus under control and the economy afloat is one example the current government has been moved by. The far-left has a different problem. Instead of lacking reasoned thinking, they have too much of it. Every possible harm is analysed to the nth degree. In this world of maximum inoffensiveness there is little room for humanity; a clumsy cheeky whirlwind of fun and hope flows from Boris Johnson, but never so much as a drip seeps out of Keir.
Just as Boris is beholden to the delusions of the right, Keir is stuck with the deadness of the left. To turn the tide of his leadership - and break away in the polls - he needs to find the confidence to leave this mental prison behind. He could have some fun by promising us all a great future filled with what we want. He is far more grounded than his predecessor, so has it in him to create and sell a vision which people find believable, even if he isn’t sure he should believe it himself.
About The Annoying Centrist: The Annoying Centrist is an occasional - but always annoying - UK politics newsletter. You can sign up for email alerts by putting your email in the box below and hitting ‘Subscribe’.